According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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