I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
