Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
