I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
