i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
