Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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