remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
