wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
