I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
