I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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