Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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