she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
