Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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