he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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