You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
