Just fell off a train. Bad.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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