Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
