Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
