i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
