i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
