that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
