Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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