margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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