No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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