The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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