Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
