Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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