That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
