I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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