I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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