We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
