Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
