Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
