can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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