he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
