As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
