If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
