Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
