Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
