Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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