Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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