Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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