How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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