if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
