found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
