O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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