i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
