We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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