I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
two words...techno handjob
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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