Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
