Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
