your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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