Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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