I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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