I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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