bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pants are for mortals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
