never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
