I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
