Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
