it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
