the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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