he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
